Airport Drunkblogging: The Lightning Round!

So, I’m reading through the comments on my airport whining post (the gate agent was right, I didn’t make the 2:05), and stumble across a reader who opines,

“I’d much rather be stuck at the airport – drinking – than here at work.”

I immediately slap myself on the forehead–why the hell aren’t I drinking?!?–and scuttle off in search of the Hyatt bar. Now, with a double Crown Royal in front of me, I commence my first VodkaPundit drunkblog adventure–in the next 30 minutes before I have to head back into the security line.

First up (big sip): My favorite ESPN.com feature this season is “For Argument’s Sake,” a weekly discussion between Ivan Maisel and Gene Wojciechowski. This week’s edition is a gem, and not just because Ivan and Woj are throwing all kinds of love towards my Tigers.

This is a cheap and tawdry way to beat my own drum, but what the heck–I’m drinking. I spent three years in the late 90’s blogging before I’d ever heard the word; this column was my favorite out of that run.

I’m sorry and embarrassed to say that I don’t know what happened to the child referenced in the column, but my sentiments remain unchanged.

In casting around for blogfodder, I have three “old reliables” for material: the Blogfaddah, Lucianne, and Brothers Judd. Orin Judd is so prolific, he makes Isaac Asmov look like a lazy slug. Today’s pick: a great CS Monitor analysis of the Afghanistan elections. A sample:

Far from staying away from the polls, the Afghan voters came out in droves. Instead of being intimidated by threats of violence, villagers walked for miles to the nearest voting station to give democracy a try. Worst of all, from a terrorist’s perspective, the Taliban were unable to deliver on their promise to spread election-day mayhem. In fact, it was the calmest day in recent memory.

Read the rest.

Far be it from me to criticize alcohol-based miracle cures, but this is just plain weird. Sugar Mama Theresa’s getting goofier by the second.

No drinking-related discussion would be complete without a link to the pride of New Orleans, Chris Rose, who’s my personal favorite newspaper columnist. Check out his take on the Presidental debates, and marital relations (trust me, it works).

Ten minutes to go, time for one more drink.

A statement of fact: if the Web had existed when I was in college, I’d have flunked out. No way I ever would have gotten any work done.

I once bought a broken Donkey Kong, Jr. arcade game for $35. It took another $12 and about an hour to fix it (it’s since been traded for the sweet Asteroids Deluxe that graces my den). Makes me just chuckle in an evil fashion at anybody who pays two grand for one of these.

Three sparrows just hopped past me. I am not outdoors. I kid you not, and I’m not drunk enough to be hallucinating.

Think that’s going to do it, time to head for the gate. If I get upgraded, they’ll have to shovel me off the jet…

UPDATE: Rhut-rho. In the security line now–and it’s four times longer than when I was sober. The things I do for easy net access…

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25 Responses to “Airport Drunkblogging: The Lightning Round!”

  1. caltechgirl Says:

    Thanks for the ESPN tip. Plenty of love for my Trojans too… Wait. I’ll bet that saounds bad when you’re drunk….

    In any case don’t get so drunk that you taunt the security guards or the TSA even though they probably deserve it 🙂

  2. Pat McDonnell Says:

    Drinking at airports can be expensive. Before deregulation i used AMTRAK between chicago and cleveland going to and from school.Tempted by cheap fares i then switched to Midway Airlines. Due to airport bars i actually ended up spending more on the trip than i would have before deregulation. Who really benefits? Does haliburton control airport bar concessions?

  3. Cabel Says:

    Hmmm, ESPN, Nope don’t like ’em, don’t like ’em at all. Although I do like this blog so far.

  4. bryant Says:

    Speaking of Tereeeza, what ever happened to the Wellness Centers? It seems like the idea disappeared once it was ridiculed…

  5. Matt Says:

    The only time I indulged in a little drinky before a flight, I enjoyed myself thoroughly. Had a nice Grey Goose martini at the bar directly across from my gate. After the drink, I strolled over to the gate and asked if the flight would be boarding soon. “Uh sir, we just finished boarding five minutes ago. The plane just pushed off.”

    Whooops!

  6. Mr. Bingley Says:

    the line’s not that much longer; you’re just seeing double.

    hope you hit the little boy’s room before you got in line…

  7. Musings from Brian J. Noggle Says:

    VodkaPundit: Heretic

    Stephen Green, who rumor has it was banished from St. Louis for making a remark about the Chicago Cubs that could be construed as anything other than an insult, utters more heresy….

  8. Anachronda Says:

    A statement of fact: if the Web had existed when I was in college, I’d have flunked out. No way I ever would have gotten any work done.

    I don’t know when you were in college, but back in the stone ages we had BITNET. Many’s the night I wasted watching the US go to sleep and Europe awaken on a BITNET SEND relay.

  9. Anachronda Says:

    Oh yeah. Forgot to mention that BITNET was among the many reasons I got tossed out of both EE and CS and wound up with a degree in Philosophy (my boss wouldn’t let me drop out entirely).

  10. Matt Says:

    The internet is probably partially to blame for me flunking myself out of Purdue University. Damn internet.

  11. David C Says:

    You might want to be careful you don’t get *too* inebriated.

    I don’t know if this is a currently common thing on all airlines, or a peculiar quirk of Southwest Airlines’ policy, but I’ve been watching *Airline* on TV, the documentary/reality “day in the life of Southwest” series quite a bit. One of the recurring events – almost one per episode, it seems – is “passenger grounded for attempted FWI (flying while intoxicated.)”

    What surprises me is that, while some of these people are belligerent or disruptive, a lot of these people just seem pretty mildly tipsy, maybe a little tired or dozy, but that’s not uncommon in airports with or without alcohol. Maybe some would qualify as DUI, but it’s not like driving a car equates to being a *passenger* on an airplane!

    On the show, they seldom really explain the policy very well, and it’s made me curious how widespread this sort of thing is these days. The closest I’ve seen to a real explanation is something like “passengers must be able to perform emergency procedures,” which seems pretty lame.

    Any frequent fliers out there have any insight into this?

  12. caltechgirl Says:

    Well, there’s also the distinct possibility that someone who is already drunk will become an angry, belligerent drunk once on board….

  13. SkyJockey Says:

    Must be a Southwest Airlines thing. Back when I was flying Delta from Portland, OR to Atlanta on a weekly basis, being a bit hammered was par for the course. It took your mind off the fact that you’d already seen the movie seven times.

  14. Sean Kirby Says:

    A statement of fact: if the Web had existed when I was in college, I’d have flunked out. No way I ever would have gotten any work done.

    Oh… you have no idea.

  15. Teresa Says:

    The white raisins in gin thing for arthritis is one of those folk remedies that’s been around forever. It’s highly likely that any of the elderly listening to her speak, had already heard of it, tried it, and found that it’s not gonna work for them. Heck my mom even tried this about 15 years ago for the arthritis in her hands.

  16. Christopher Rake Says:

    Cheched out the Theresa story linked above. Am I the only one reading perhaps too much into the website’s headline and html tag for that page:

    Heinz Kerry Pitches Health Care

    (printable version)

    I’m just sayin….

  17. homebru Says:

    “Flying while drunk” is not a Southwest policy item. It is a matter of Federal law.

    Federal Air Regulation (FAR) 121.575(c): No certificate holder may allow any person to board any of its aircraft if that person appears to be intoxicated.

    Full rule available online through http://www.faa.gov

  18. Kevin Klemme Says:

    After I read your old essay about Tori Cameron and Apligraf, I couldn’t resist googling to find out what happened. Here’s a link updating her case when she was two years old:

    http://www.healthdiary.com/story.php?id=287

  19. Al Maviva Says:

    9 white raisins soaked in gin, eh? Tanqueray, I presume.

    But that’s nothin’.

    I hear the best remedy for old war wounds – shrapnel in the ass, swollen head, loss of short term (last 20 years) memory, is to occasionally bang some crazy old billionaire heiress, and to wander around the country imitating the sonorous, lowing call of the Asian water buffalo. I hear it works wonders for your health, and you’ll be up and windsurfing in no time.

  20. arlo Says:

    Al,
    You still have to worry about the bastard Secret Service assho13s knocking you down. You also forgot about the recuperative powers of pumpkin spice cookies…

  21. wRitErsbLock Says:

    A drink before flight is always nice. But, in my experience, a little alcohol goes a lot further once airborn. I get drunk so much faster up there – which makes me a much better flier.

    I’m pleased to say I’ve “smuggled” plastic liquor bottles onto my Southwest flights in the past, and made my own tasty beverages for much le$$. Free cranberry juice and bring-your-own vodka is one of my favorite drinks!

  22. Vexorg Says:

    I, on the other hand, have no idea houw I would have survived college (as much of it as I have completed so far, a 2-year degree in roughly three and a half years)without the Internet to keep me from becoming dangerously bored enough to do something truly stupid. And for the classes in which no web-connected computers were available, I pretty much had to survive via solitaire on my PocketPC (it’s a good thing I bought the good screen protectors, after a while there were distinct wear spots in the location of the card piles…

    Yes, my classes were THAT boring.

  23. Dave in Texas Says:

    Did you know you can polish off 17 martinis between DFW and Sao Paulo?

    So now you know why I got arrested while spray painting my name on an overpass in Barueri.

  24. Steve Talbert Says:

    Do you just not like gin?

    “Teresa’s Cure” sounded good. I will try it. Maybe gin, moscat (or some other liquor or a grappa?) shaken and a couple of white grapes dropped in the glass.

  25. Greg Says:

    Donkey Kong Jr.?

    The original Donkey Kong was superior.

    There’s a program called Multiple Arcade Machine Emulator that will turn your PC into a classic arcade!

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