If Idiots Could Fly, ESPN Would Be An Airport

ESPN and ABC just announced their announcer/analyst lineups for the 2006 college football season, and as befits a couple of Disney companies, it’s definitely a Mickey Mouse plan.

Ron Franklin, the best play-by-play man in the business today, has been demoted to ESPN2 to make room for moved-over-from-NFL-coverage Mike Patrick on the main network’s Saturday prime time games. I’ll allow that Todd Blackledge will certainly be an improvement over last year’s ESPN primetime color boob, former Notre Dame coach Bob Davie. Davie has all the on-air personality of a shoebox, and starts repeating his cliches before the first quarter is over.

Unfortunately, ESPN has also decided to retain the odious Lou Holtz for studio commentary, and has even made the unfathomable decision to put Holtz in the box for weeknight game color commentary. Holtz’s spluttering lisp is barely understandable when he’s in a climate-controlled studio. He’ll be completely unitelligible in a gameday environment.

Why Holtz still has a job at all is an open question. He’s easily the worst of ESPN’s studio analysts–and that’s saying something, considering Lee Corso is still on Gameday. Given Holtz’s sordid track record as a coach, maybe Disney is afraid that they’ll get put on probation not long after he’s let go.


18 Responses to “If Idiots Could Fly, ESPN Would Be An Airport”

  1. John Says:

    oh come on Will….he did win a National Championship in 88

  2. ADAM Says:

    I’ve got one for you…….
    I am an FSU student and die-hard Noles fan. How bout the former ( and discraced “could have been” ) Chris Rix doing commentary already for FOX SPORTS. How long before it’s Herbstriet and Rix, two of college football’s “pretty boy good but not good enough for the pros” textbooks examples on College Gameday, along with a rapidly declining Lee Corso, who at this point in time refers to himself in third peron as “The Sunshine Scooter”.
    Back to the point, if we’re talking college football, the commentators have to be either Griese or Musberger. Anyone else is way too melodramatic ( Tirico I’m talking o you )

  3. Slartibartfast Says:

    Um…if you’re going on coaching records alone, Lee Corso should never have even gotten a job at ESPN. 41-68-2 at IU, according to multiple sources. Lou Holtz is arguably the better coach by miles, even though he’s inarguably not as functional at the announcer’s desk.

    Although I like Corso as an announcer (because, really: you almost expect him to be stupid, and although your expectations frequently are fulfilled, he makes you laugh) I don’t have a whole lot of regard for his judgement. I attended the Florida-Tennessee game at Knoxville the year the Gators won their national championship, and the ESPN desk was set up very close to the parking garage where we were tailgating. I’m pretty sure the “Lee Corso sucks” chants had to be loud enough to make it on the air. Florida won that day, beating UT at home 35-29.

  4. Will Collier Says:

    My favorite Corso prediction has to be from the 1996 season, when he loudly picked Fresno State to win the season opener at Auburn.

    Final score: Auburn 62, Fresno 0.

    My favorite Corso story happened back when Beano “The Hutt” Cook used to show up on Gameday as an occasional guest analyst. Corso was going on one of his “when I was a coach” rambles, and said of some Big 10 team (I don’t recall this one), “they were really tough to beat when we went up to their place.”

    Beano replied, “Lee, when you were coaching, you couldn’t beat anybody at home OR on the road.”

    Corso didn’t say another word for the rest of the segment, and that was the last time I ever saw Beano on that show.

  5. Ricky Says:

    You guys keep the sound on? That’s what mute IS for! I do like gameday though, I listen to that one…

  6. Flyer Says:

    Is it me, or does Lee Corso look like Mel Brooks with more hair and a $1000 a day coke habit.

  7. Xixi Says:

    Carroll H. “Beano” Cook always gets my vote as the ESPN totaltard commentator. Arguably, he knows less about college football than did Lucy, the human fossil believed to have inhabited the Olduvai Gorge in the eastern Serengeti Plains approximately 3,200,000 years ago. Lucy, presumably played a prehistoric version of football called, kick-the-rock. Beano, on the other hand, has rocks for brains.

  8. Chris of Dangerous Logic Says:

    I agree that Davies is pretty useless as an on-air talent, but I think his Football 101 columns on ESPN Insider are well done and highly informative.

  9. bman Says:

    Unbelievable, where else could a reference to “Leakys Lucy” be made. I’ve always wondered when those three years or archeology would finally pay off.

    Another Lucy with football connections appears in Peanuts.

  10. buzz Says:

    Didnt Keith Olbermann get his start on ESPN? So things could always be worse.

  11. Deacon Blues Says:

    bman, it wasn’t Leaky’s Lucy. Two guys, Tim White and Don Johanson, found and named Lucy in the Afar Triangle.

  12. Lord Vee Says:

    Does this mean that Mike Patrick will no longer be doing the NFL? That would be great if they also get rid of diarrhea-of-the-mouth Theismann and the other nitwit he always gets in arguments with.

  13. bman Says:

    thanks deaconblues. That class was right after lunch.

  14. Deacon Blues Says:

    LOL, bman!! War Eagle!!

  15. Scrapiron Says:

    Watching sports on TV was a real fun weekend a few years ago. Now it’s so boring i’d rather watch crabgrass grow in my lawn. Since the sport remains the same it must be the announcers.

  16. Mark Says:

    And they are retaining the god-awful Pam Ward as well.

    God I hate ESPN sometimes.

  17. The American Patrol Says:

    fact: College Football is a joke. Thanks ABC/Disney/ESPN.

    I have a new idea for March Madness: Instead of wasting all that time with meaningless games, lets just have sports writers pick two teams and have them play one game.

    Sounds pretty f****ng stupid doesn’t it?

  18. Rob Says:

    ESPN can’t get rid of Lou Holtz from the commentator’s chair, because they would instantly go on probation.


    I hate that little mushmouthed Granny Clampett impersonator. When I think about his time at USuC, it makes me giggle like a schoolgirl. Overall losing record? Check (33-37). 2-16 against Florida, Tennessee, and Georgia? Check. 1-5 against my beloved Clemson Tigers? Life is good.

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